Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep...

I love the start of the New Year. I get to put the crappy parts of the year behind me and build upon everything else that was good. Unfortunately, I find my years are much like my closets: they start off clean and fresh and full of hope and promise when all of a sudden, somewhere between almost-spring and the dead-ass-heat of summer, everything goes awry. One minute I meet the criteria for DSM-IV 300.3, and the next I’m staring at a Mount Vesuvius of shoes and wondering where I left my flip-flops.

And, so goes my year.

I begin with a resounding flourish. I read health books from cover to cover. I toss out all the junk food. I make exercise commitments with neighbors. And, much like my closets, it all goes to pot in April and I spend the rest of the year feasting on DQ Blizzards and diet coke while blasting the air conditioner to prevent the slightest molecule of perspiration.

I’ll admit I am entirely to blame. My resolutions are always ridiculously unrealistic or impossibly vague. I want to lose 250 pounds in 6 weeks! I will never eat junk food ever again! I will exercise! I will be nicer! I mean, really. Who am I kidding? I can’t help but think I subconsciously come up with these idiotic promises simply to make failure unavoidable and, consequently, acceptable.

Well, no more. I’m going to be a little smarter this year, and commit to resolutions that are attainable. Be prepared, because in my effort to be specific I wound up with a list that will make a few of you cringe. Some of the items on my list are easy, others not so much. All of them are doable, and I intend to post updates on my progress throughout the year.

The Official Pancakes & French Fries 2008 List of Things to Do

  1. Open up Paper Soufflé.
  2. Sell 1 item to a complete stranger.
  3. Write 5x per week.
  4. Lose 20 pounds. Really, I could stand to lose about 83,000 more. But, I’m shooting for attainable here, people.
  5. Paint and decorate the master bedroom.
  6. Organize the boys’ closets.
  7. Finish the trim and move the furniture into the office in the back.
  8. Take at least 5-10 pictures of the boys per week and email them to family.
  9. Spend at least 1 day per month with my niece(s)--#2 is on her way as I type! So excited!
  10. Eat out only twice per week, including [gulp] takeout.
  11. Abstain from sugar and refined food for 30 consecutive days.
  12. Recapture my health. This is rather vague, but I can’t really define it any better. In the words of the honorable Mr. Justice Stewart, “I’ll know it when I see it.” At the very least, I want to go 30 days without having to take an antacid or headache medication.
  13. No more diet coke!
  14. Organize my china hutch.
  15. Finish my kitchen
    1. Tile and paper back splash.
    2. Call contractor regarding chipped finish on cabinet door.
    3. Buy window treatments
  16. Visit at least three places detailed in this book.
  17. Read 8 fiction books for pleasure.
  18. Go out with The Mister alone once a month.
  19. Open up a Netflix (or Blockbuster) account.
  20. Abandon the SAHM uniform and ponytail 3 times per week.
  21. Celebrate small successes.

I can’t help but read my list and think I am the most boring person on the planet. It’s a wonder anyone takes the time to read this blog. After this post, I expect my readership to plummet, accordingly. Tell me I am not the only one with such a boring list of resolutions!

p.s. If you can catch the movie reference in this post I'll give a few of you a little goodie bag from The Shop. You know. When it opens.