Favorite Moment

No. Words. Necessary.

WHAT?! HELLO?! WHO?! I'm Permanently Surprised.

I really don't care much about my hair. If it weren't for the fact that I am 75% gray prematurely, I doubt I would get it cut and colored regularly. My eyebrows, on the other hand, are an entirely different matter. Every other week, without fail, I'm at the salon waxing down the beasts. Today was no different, except for the fact I walked out of the salon looking like this:


I even have the same suicidal expression. Oh, wait. No I don't. I look permanently stunned. My eyebrows are so arched I look like someone is repeatedly biting my ankles. I know I'm not crazy. My best-friend-ever Kara came over to drop off a birthday present for Nico and after she got over the initial shock of seeing so much of my eye sockets exposed to fresh air, all she could stammer was, "They're...they're...they're not even the same size! One is crooked and really thin and the other is...really, really thin." In other words, they look like crap.

I knew the second the girl ripped the wax off my face that they were going to be too thin. It was one of those now that didn't feel right moments. One brief, terrifying look in the mirror and my worst fears were confirmed. Early 90s Drew Barrymore brows. What did I do after I was confronted with such horror? I smiled and tipped the girl 20%, naturally. Petunia Face would understand.

A Circus Act

I bought this print, called Juggling, from the very lovely and talented Ashley Goldberg the other day. Do I even need to explain why?




Between the boys, The Mister, the house, the blog, the website, and the business, I am stretched pretty thin. Add to that "the bills" and I'm ready to sell everything and go live off the grid in some field in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. The Mister can make furniture and I'll bake artisan pretzels while Mikey and Nico play music on instruments we've fashioned out of the scraps from The Mister's aforementioned furniture business. Selling everything, though, would require "the energy" I don't seem to possess. So, instead, I'll bitch.

I know I'm not the only one with a full plate, but I feel like I am the only one who can't seem to keep it together. So, because I am a big seeker of advice from those more sage than I, kindly share your sanity tips in the comments below. I have a few books on living a simpler life that I may have to dust off and re-read. I think it's time.

How to Hang a Wall of Pictures

There are a 1,001 ways to do this, and I am positive there is at least one tutorial out there that employs my method. It's an easy, straightforward method so if you haven't seen this before it should inspire you to finally hang up your family pictures.

Now, I know there are many design guros out there who loathe an abundance of family photos. I have read, repeatedly, that it is just too much, too kitschy, too suburban, and too overdone. Well, too bad. They obviously hold this view because they have cold, black hearts and have no family willing to pose in a picture with them. If you love someone, why wouldn't you want to see their smiling mug at the start and close of every day? Seems logical to me, but maybe I'm just a big ol' suburban softie. I'm going to assume you're a softie, too, and want to hang some pictures. Here's how you do it.

1. Begin by taking accurate measurements of the area in which you want to hang the pictures. My area measured 100 inches, even.

2. Cut a roll of paper (butcher, shipping, presentation, etc.) and cut to size. I use gridded paper, which helps later on as you lay out the pictures. Lay out the paper on the floor or table, which ever is easier and can accommodate the size of the paper.

3. Lay out your pictures until you are satisfied. Tips:

• Think to the future and leave space for future pictures. I have one more partial row I want to add underneath, so I knew I had to group my pictures higher than normal to accommodate future shots.
  
• Go back to the wall you plan on hanging your pictures and see if there is an area where your eye naturally rests. Make a note of that area, and be sure to put a favorite picture in that spot during your floor set up. You'll be looking at that picture over and over again, so make it one you won't get tired of.
  

4. Time to start measuring. Begin by tracing an outline around each of the frames. Then, remove the frames on-by-one and measure from the tops and sides where the hanger sits. Don't assume the hanger is in the center of your frame. Frames are mass produced and hangers are frequently off center. You want to know exactly where the nail will sit. Mark that spot with an "X" on your paper. Tips:

• In the empty outline of the frame, make a quick note on the paper of the picture. For example, "Me + The Mister," "Buddy + Buster," "Cancun." You don't think you'll forget the layout, but you will.
• A quick and dirty way to measure is to turn the frame face down on the paper--still within it's outline, just slightly lower. Measure how far down the hanger is, and mark that spot on the paper. You don't need to take side measurements of the hanger, because you'll just use the hanger (remember you can see it) as a guide. You'll get a better idea of what I'm talking about when you see the picture, below.
  

5. Once you are done measuring, remove all the frames from the paper and tape the paper up on the wall exactly where you want the pictures to hang. Look to the future and consider any potential crown molding, trim, draperies, etc.

6. Tap a nail into all those little hanger marks. You can completely insert the nail if you think the paper won't pull it out, but it is safer to just tap a small hole for all the pictures, remove the paper, and then go back and hammer in the nails.

7. Hang up your pictures, and you're done! If you've taken the time to measure accurately, you shouldn't have any problems. Now you have a wall of memories to enjoy everyday for years to come.

Things I Hope to Never Forget...

That stage where they hold on to you like a little koala bear. It's pretty cool.

My Friends say, "Helen?"

Do you remember that radio PSA on the dangers of smoking? Where that raspy man's voice was talking, hacking, and coughing and at the end it turns out it was a woman named Helen? Yeah, that's me. My voice is fine, but I am hacking like someone with a 3 pack a day habit. Disgusting. What's especially fun is the wheezing. If I breath in a certain way I actually sound like a car stalling. According to my dad, who is only the best doctor ever, I have a bronchitis induced asthma--which is another way to say my bronchials are inflamed and pissed off. Pretty much going to wait this bitch out, and complain about it nonstop to all of you in the mean time.

In other news, our darling little baby Nico will turn 1 on Saturday! The Mister is in a wedding on that day (a subject that cannot be broached without us getting into a squabble) so we are celebrating on Sunday. Since this wedding is also occupying our Thursday and Friday, I have to have everything ready to go by Wednesday. I have a crafty mama this weekend and today, so hopefully this week and next I will be able to share all that I have been doing behind the scenes. That is, if I can execute all my grandiose ideas. Otherwise, I'm off to the party store for Elmo crap.

Favorite Moment

I have never had a fancy cell phone. All my cell phones have been of the "free with plan" variety and I always use them until they are within an inch of total system failure. Last November, at my youngest brother's wedding, my other younger brother couldn't help but take pity on my uncool state.

Brother: "Jules, where's the camera mechanism on your phone?"
Jules: "It doesn't have a camera."
Brother: "No camera?! Do they make phones without cameras?"
Jules: "They're hard to find, but when I was going to court the rules were no camera phones."
Brother: "OK. But what about the antenna?"
Jules: "Oh. Well. That. I kept fiddling with it, broke it, and then lost it. But I still get reception. Most of the time."
Brother: "Jules. Seriously. This is embarrassing. I'm getting you a new phone."

Turns out he wasn't kidding. Look at what he dropped off at my parents' house on his way to a conference.




It's the iPhone-ish phone for people who live in Verizon coverage areas. I have no idea how to use it, but am I the worst person ever to be so excited about a stupid phone? Maybe it's not just the phone, but also the pride I feel for my little brother. Here is the shy kid I used to beat up on relentlessly. The guy I used to make fun for always playing his stupid video games (mainly as a way to deflect attention from the fact he always beat my ass in said stupid video games).

It turns out that if you are very gifted at playing video games, companies will hire you as a producer and pay you handsomely to manage a team of designers and coders who create all sorts of cool video games. These companies then pass on all sorts of cool perks to their invaluable producers. Perks like, for instance, access to really cool phones that you can pass on to your not-so-cool older sister.

Thanks again, lil' bro. I'm really, really proud of you.

XOXO
Jules the Bulls

p.s. Youngest lil' bro who just got married in November, you're not exactly chopped liver, either. :)